Your stories.

My stories.

Our stories.

Being a parent is a big freakin’ deal, and a choice that changes your life forever.  Before I embarked on my own journey, I searched for clues about what I should do. I mined the lives of friends, family, and eventually strangers for something that would guide me the right way, towards the direction of what I should do. But, at the end of the day, the question of parenthood is one that only I could answer.

Let’s take it back to when I was around 11 years old, when I first heard of Freda Josephine McDonald, aka, Josephine Baker. I knew that she was a St. Louis, Missouri born, American expat, who like many Black entertainers of her time, found success and some freedom from racial discrimination in France. This phenomenal woman simultaneously oozed sex appeal, silliness, and class, was a multi-hyphenate performer, and she was an activist (#OGblackgirlmagic). But of all the wildly interesting things about her life, what captured my young imagination was how Auntie Jo adopted fifty ‘leven million kids of different races and ethnicities and called them her Rainbow Tribe. * Of course, I found the whole situation kind of odd, but I also found it fascinating. Who wouldn’t want a houseful of children?

In learning about Josephine Baker’s story, I knew I was going to adopt kids and be a mom like her. I had never dreamt of birthing children, getting married, going to prom, or anything else girls supposedly fantasize about their entire lives. Adopting children, however, seemed like a wonderful option. I was sure I had most of the credentials to be a great candidate. Listen, I was a reading tutor, babysat multiple children at once, and was the den mother to several of my classmates. I was fully prepared to be a mother. Hell, I was already a rockstar mom. I was also a seventh grader who knew NOTHING about what being a parent actually demanded.

Fast forward to 2016, when I wasn’t so certain about having children, adopted or otherwise. They seemed life-changing at best, potential serial killers at worst. (Thanks, Criminal Minds.) Then, several of my close friends drank from the same water bottle at a cookout and wound up pregnant mere months apart. I was overwhelmed with excitement, bewilderment, and angst.

“I get to kiss on babies, but I don’t have to take them home!”

“Something’s in the water.”

“Shit, am I pregnant, too?”

“Do I even want kids?!”

“I’M NOT READY!!!!”

My mature, seventh grade self had flown the coup and was replaced by a scared, somewhat self-centered, married, 30 year-old grown ass woman who was completely capable of caring for a child.

What was a gal to do?

After my sister-friend birthed her firstborn, I called her up and asked every question I could think of. From how she cleaned herself after bowel movements to the intensity of labor pains, I wanted to know it all. Soon after, I asked more friends, dads included, about their journey into parenthood, and eventually extended my reach to colleagues and strangers. Their stories were fascinating, each and every one. Some of them tinged with the zealousness of my preteen self, knowing that they had always wanted to be parents. Others were peppered with self-questioning and doubt, much like my adult self. At the end of it all, I guess, I wanted to know how people made the leap. How they broke through uncertainty. How they accepted being personally responsible for another human being for the next 20 years**. How they gave up gin and tonics!

Oh, Baby! is a collection of these generous stories about entering parenthood, by choice or “surprise,” how parents prepared, and what it took to get through pregnancy and the first year of their child’s life. These stories are told through illustrations, a touch of narration, and through the interviewees’ own words. For privacy, I’ve changed names and details as necessary, but kept the heart of the story the same. These stories aren’t meant to drive you towards or away from the decision of parenthood. As I said before, that’s a question you must answer for yourself.

In the meantime, I hope that you enjoy and learn from what comes next. It’s really a great honor and privilege to share these stories with you.

With love and spirit, 

Vanity K. Gee

*Really, her Rainbow Tribe. it is quite fascinating. Look it up!

**Some parents end up being responsible for their offspring for more than 20 years. God bless them.